Windows 8: A Masked Man Remodels Your Kitchen

Struggling with a new operating system forced on you by Microsoft is like phoning to have your kitchen wallpapered and being told to your horror that in order to get new wallpaper you must accept a contractor with a black mask who then remodels your entire kitchen, installs hidden cabinets with secret locks, and hides all your kitchen stuff in obscure locations. The contractor explains on the way out the door that you now have a bunch of new appliances — none of which you needed or asked for. The contractor hands you a short video that helps you find a few pots and pans but says nothing about where to find the silverware or the sugar. The first day you try to make breakfast, you miss half a day of work. You have to gulp your orange juice out of the carton because Microsoft won’t tell you where the glassware is hidden. You go to McDonalds for dinner.

 

Lock me up in the county jail. Microsoft could not have stolen precious time from me more effectively than if they had locked me up in the county jail for a couple weeks. I have spent dozens of hours for many days trying to find ordinary functions that Microsoft has deviously hidden away in Windows 8. Simple things like opening a new page on Internet Explorer have become infuriating hunt and click searches. Clicking on the Internet Explorer icon as on past Microsoft Operating Systems does nothing. I finally found the answer to opening a new IE page: there is a very small, unlabeled grey square near the top of an existing IE page. Click on that and Microsoft will finally disgorge its treasure, but only to taunt you the next time you try to find the simplest function — like the “Start” button (doesn’t exist in Windows 8) or the Directory (renamed “File Explorer” to be found if you know the secret code: holding down the Windows key and the “X” key at the same time). None of these obfuscations are explained in the Microsoft tutorials. The user-victim is forced to waste time searching for hours and hours or to hire an Anointed One to guide the search. 


I HAVE USED MICROSOFT PRODUCTS FOR OVER 20 YEARS. I HATE, REPEAT HATE, WINDOWS 8. Please ashcan this system and give us back the time you have been stealing from us.
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